Falling & Uprising Read online

  When have I been given permission to admit that anything is difficult? Can I accept this offer?

  “That’s… great. Do you think the three of us could get together sometime?”

  “That would be fantastic. Krisalyn thought I was insane when I told her about your visit to my office. You’d be doing me quite the favor to prove to her that your involvement isn’t a product of my imagination.”

  “It would be my pleasure to clear your name.” And to feel like I have anything in common with a person again.

  ***

  ‘A little dull,’ Sophos said. Assigning housing and building queries is more than a little dull. Training to put single-occupant requests into one-bedroom apartments and double-occupant requests into two-bedroom apartments took all of eight seconds.

  Young adult moving out of parents’ home. One-bedroom.

  Couple moving in together. Check their choice, assign a one-bedroom.

  New jewelry shop. First-floor retail space.

  Tap, tap, tap. Done, done, done.

  The emotional whiplash is jarring. I came into my program assuming I’d be doing simple office work, got thrown into being a spy, and now I am doing simple office work. I would have been content with this, but under these circumstances, it’s tedious and unproductive.

  “How is it going?” Flora, the Director of City Planning, appears over my shoulder.

  “I think I’ve about got it.” Sounding sincere is an effort when there are so many options for sarcastic comments.

  “Well, I should think so.” Her eyebrows arch in a knowing look as she leans back against my desk, smoothing the front of her periwinkle pencil skirt. “This is the insipid part of your program, but you’ll bounce around enough to keep it mildly interesting. Next year will be far more exciting.”

  “Oh, will it?” Little does she know that in other ways, this year is plenty exciting.

  “Of course. We wouldn’t let you waste away in these menial jobs. Comprehensive knowledge of the department will serve you well when you’re in a higher position, though.” She glances at her cuff and sighs. “I must be going, but please let me know if you need anything.”

  “Thank you, Flora.”

  Alone, I comb through the assignments of each building to see if I notice anything suspicious. This is probably a waste of time, but what else do I have to do? A pet acupuncture spa… that can’t be real. I leave myself a note to check it out later. Someone in Technology is no doubt being far more productive with my system access. There is a decent chance that my passcodes and retina scan are all Sophos needs me for because if the uprising happened tomorrow, I’d be about as useful as my desk chair.

  ***

  Jase’s living room windows behave like standard windows—showing us what’s actually outside rather than a fabricated image. Although, seeing the city as it appears doesn’t make it any more real than the array of options he could choose to see. I’ve taken to leaving mine blacked out when I’m alone. Neither fantasy appeals to me right now. Anyway, I’m more interested in what’s inside this apartment—people who might remind me that I’m doing something worthwhile. Or at least, will be… hypothetically.

  “All right, you’re not insane,” Krisalyn says to Jase. “But Sophos might be.” She turns to me. “No offense, of course. Just… being in your position…” Her lips press together as she puzzles it out. I can see her gears turning under a riot of fiery red curls.

  “Oh, don’t worry. I’ve been wondering the same thing.” My assurance seems to calm her fears of offending me. “I don’t know why he chose me, and I don’t know why he’s insisted on keeping me isolated.” I glance back and forth between them, jealousy pooling in my chest. Why do they get to share this burden?

  “I wouldn’t take that personally,” Jase says. “Sophos didn’t offer Kris the option of bringing someone in with her.”

  “Pure luck,” she confirms. “I happened to have someone in my program with me who could be helpful and who I trust explicitly.”

  When their eyes meet, the affection rolls off of them. It would appear Jase used the term ‘friend’ a little loosely. Their connection runs deep. It’s touching but also makes me feel like an intruder. Happy as I am to know people I can talk to, pouring everything out to Jase and Krisalyn would be strange. I need my own person.

  “So you asked Sophos if you could recruit Jase?”

  Krisalyn nods. “Is there someone from your program you think you might want to ask for?”

  “The only other person in my program was Rollin Karan.”

  “That’s a no, then,” Jase says with a smile.

  “Obviously.” The son of a councilwoman might be the only option more ridiculous than me. The person I would like to share this with is unlikely to get Sophos’ seal of approval, though.

  Chapter Twelve

  BRAM

  I cannot have another surprise like that. Not that anything else could affect me like seeing Emrys did, but to be safe, I’m answering some questions which have haunted me for almost five years. I need to know who else in my life met that fate. Avoiding it was weak, and I can’t afford to be weak. This kind of strength training might be more painful than physical exercise, though. I swallow the lump in my throat as I open Sophos’ computer in his home office. He showed me how to find what I needed, but I want to go through it alone.

  I know who got selected from my year, so I start with the year after. Scrolling through the new marshals from that year is morbid, like looking at a group obituary. They wouldn’t have taken Aren, too, right? I’m almost sure they wouldn’t select all three children from one family, but still, I’ll feel better about it when I get through the list without seeing his face. Another familiar face stops me, though. Damn, they got Reid.

  The Campbells lived next-door to us. Travick went through with me. Reid and his twin sister were right after us, along with Aren. If Aren and Cary are the only ones left between our two houses, they’ll either end up married or killing each other. There wouldn’t be a gray area for those two. Cary must have been devastated when Reid left, even without knowing the truth of it all. I can’t believe only two of the six of us got to stay together. Well… maybe I’ll rejoin Aren and Cary someday. That’s something.

  A few other familiar faces show up, but none I knew as well. I’m not really looking at them anymore. My mind replays old scenes instead—like the time we all built a treehouse. There was nothing safe about that thing. It was rackety and uneven, but Cary called it her castle and proclaimed herself queen. I’m sure it’s long gone, like half the people who built it.

  I should have done this sooner. Emrys, Travick, and Reid don’t get to remember any of us. To close my eyes and pretend I don’t remember either is selfish and cowardly. I owe it to them to remember what they can’t. Thinking about it keeps the wounds open, but I’d rather bleed. The dripping crimson can be a reminder to keep me focused on my mission.

  ***

  Time used to flow by, leaving me wondering how I’ve already been here for years. Not anymore. For weeks I keep the thought of Emrys close by, making time move like a whetstone, grinding against me.

  There’s nothing like Lawson home cooking, but I opt for smoked chicken and potatoes. It’s the closest I can get here. What I could really go for is burnt ends, but that doesn’t exist here. The door chimes as we finish dinner. The view from the front door projects onto the wall showing us Tori.

  “That’s odd.” Sophos rises from the table, but I beat him out of the room.

  Tori rushes past me when I open the door. “Good to see you,” I mutter as I close it.

  “Tori, how can I help you?” Sophos says. “Come in, have a seat.”

  “Have we been discovered?” She’s never been one for small talk, but I never thought she was one for tiny dresses either. This is the first time I’ve seen her out of uniform.

  Sophos cocks his head. “Based on the fact that we are all still enjoying our freedom, I would say no.”

  “K
emp sent down some new procedures,” she says. “We will be training on evacuating to Leavenworth in case of an emergency.”

  “Evacuating the whole city?” he asks.

  “No, just marshals and the council.”

  If they’re making plans to move the regiment, that includes Emrys. My hands clench into fists at my sides.

  “Did they specify what kind of emergency would warrant that?” Sophos asks.

  “No, so the only emergency I could think of was the kind you’re planning. There haven’t been any whispers of suspicion from the Establishment?”

  Sophos taps his knuckles on his lips. “None that have reached me.”

  “Why Leavenworth?” I ask.

  “I don’t know.” Tori crosses her arms. “Sophos, any idea?”

  “Leavenworth has always been the only island I haven’t had contact with.” Their population is too small to include them in the selection. He shakes his head. “I don’t know why they’d amass their forces at a power plant.”

  “I’ll see what I can find out,” she says. “I’m relieved to know we aren’t already on the run.”

  “Not yet.” Sophos glances at his cuff. “I’ll research it as well. Thank you for coming to tell me.”

  She nods, her lips pressed together.

  “I’ll bid you both goodnight,” he says. “We’ll be in touch soon.”

  He retires upstairs to his bedroom to let me have a human connection with someone closer to my age. I do miss spending time with Tori. Sophos may have saved me from falling off a cliff, but she was the one who guided me out of the woods to safety.

  “To think you ever choose to stay at the marshal barracks when you have all this.” Tori gestures around as she takes a seat on the couch.

  I sit next to her. “And you always wear a uniform when you have options like this.”

  “Having a life is my coverup, Bram. It’s been a while… are you all right? I feel like an idiot for not realizing he was your brother.”

  Bringing up Emrys is like a stab to the stomach. Thinking about it and talking about it are two very different things. My shoulders tense convulsively as I take in a deep breath in an attempt to steady myself.

  “Now that I realize it, he looks just like you. It’s so obvious.” She shakes her head.

  “It’s okay.”

  “I’m sorry,” she says, laying a hand on my knee. “I just want you to know I’m here for you. I know you don’t have anyone to talk to.”

  “I don’t need to talk about it.” I don’t mean to snap at her, but this is pointless. “You can’t understand. You have no idea what having a sibling means. Just drop it.”

  No matter how long I’ve known her or how much I trust her, Tori is still Kaycian. Her world is one of only-children. Except for the rare cases of twins, no one here understands sibling relationships. They don’t know what it’s like to grow up fighting over everything but being willing to fight anyone else in defense of each other. To know that someone will always be a part of you, unlike their shallow friends they drop and replace like their stupid hair colors.

  “What do you need then?” She snaps right back at me. Tori has a finite supply of softness, and it’s run out. “Do you want to forget it? We could get you an amnesia shot.” It’s meant to be kind, but the idea burns me up anyway.

  “No! I’d never take that!”

  “Fine then, deal with it on your own.” She jumps up to her high-heeled feet and makes her way toward the door.

  I strike the couch cushion with my fist before I get up to stop her. As her hand reaches for the doorknob, I grab her shoulder and turn her back toward me. I take a breath before I begin.

  “Thank you.” It’s hard to say when I’m so agitated by all of this, but she means well. “For trying to help me or whatever you’re trying to do. I’m… not good at accepting help.” The words burn my throat on their way out. Neither of us do this vulnerable, emotional thing. I’m too close to her, my hand still on her shoulder, but I don’t back up.

  “You should know you’re not alone.” As usual, her gaze is confident, but this time something is enticing about her eyes. Something I’ve never noticed before. “We all have a lot to deal with, and if we’re isolated, we’re like time bombs.”

  My heart speeds up to match the ticking of that proverbial time bomb. Her gaze shifts to my hand on her shoulder and back to my eyes. I’ve never thought of her in an intimate way before, but now we’re sharing the same air, and my nerves are on edge. I don’t even know who started it, but her hands are grasping my neck, her lips contoured to mine, and I squeeze her hips as they press against me. Our kissing is urgent, almost angry as she pushes me back against the door. I lift her by the waist, and she wraps her legs around me.

  I fumble down the stairs, carrying her towards my apartment, pressing her back into the wall halfway down as her teeth scrape my earlobe. A prickling feeling runs down my spine. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I don’t want to stop. We crash into my bedroom. Her fingers trace the lines of my biceps as I kiss her neck.

  My brain has a fleeting moment of function. “Wait, don’t we need… protection?”

  She cocks her head before puffing out a silent laugh. “You still don’t know much about Kaycie. It’s covered.”

  That’s good enough for me.

  Her uniform hides the curves of her body. My eyes have never noticed how feminine she is, but my hands are discovering it now. She is a force to be reckoned with. And as usual, she’s the one who seems to know what she’s doing.

  I’ve succeeded in forgetting my problems. This is definitely a better method than drinking.

  ***

  Later I lie on my bed, watching Tori as she fixes her hair in the mirror. Can this be the same person I’ve known for almost five years? My vision of her will forever include this sexy side, but I hope it doesn’t screw things up. She looks so Kaycian, in the heels and the dress (none of this was a sight I ever thought I’d see in my bedroom here), but she’s still Tori. She looks up, and her eyes meet mine for a moment, but she continues her work.

  “What did you mean about protection being ‘taken care of?’” I ask.

  “Girls all get semi-permanent birth control implants at age fourteen,” she explains. “We can have them taken out whenever we decide we want to have a baby.”

  Kaycian efficiency.

  “You don’t have to feel any obligation toward me.” She doesn’t look at me as she speaks.

  “Thank goodness.”

  That garners a thin smile over her shoulder. “This isn’t a good time to get attached to people, Bram. We should just leave this as what it is.”

  I don’t know exactly what this is, but I nod. She sits on the bed next to me and takes a deep breath. “I can see myself out.” She gives me a peck on the cheek and disappears through the door.

  I lay my head back on my pillow and rub my eyebrow as I try to figure out what just happened. This isn’t the time to dwell on it. All I want is to hold onto this feeling of relief and sleep easier tonight.

  Chapter Thirteen

  SERENITY

  This gown is almost enough to make me excited about tonight. The V-neck bodice is a masterpiece of lace and crystal appliqués over blue and purple silk. Its vast skirt is covered in fluffy waves of iridescent matching taffeta, bunched in pickups with more crystal accents. Vogue’s mother outdid herself this time. I feel magnificent in it, albeit guilty. My hair is dyed to match—deep blue and purple taking the place of the red highlights.

  Despite my protestations, my father has me presenting at the Annual Film Awards. I’m not even in the industry, but I don’t seem to have a choice. ‘Everyone in Kaycie loves you. You’re a symbol of all that’s best about the city,’ I was told. The irony gags me, but who am I to argue with the Director of Cultural Affairs?

  I panicked when Sophos warned me about my father’s promotion. How can I be related to a councilman and aid in a rebellion? Sophos reminded me that my father still wouldn’t
have anything to do with the islands in this role. Knowing that he isn’t part of the city’s coverup is a mild reprieve. I tried to turn it around and use this as an excuse to tell my parents about the uprising. They’d agree about the Establishment’s wrongdoings, and now that my father is on the council, he’d undoubtedly be a valuable ally, but I was denied. It’s all I can do to play by Sophos’ rules. My secrets weigh heavily on me, but a twirl in this dress lightens me a little bit.

  The awards are a grand spectacle. The musical performances are magnificent, and everything goes off without a hitch. I’m thrilled to hand the award for best supporting actress to my mother’s friend Aurora Bloom, most of the winners are sober enough to speak intelligibly, and this year no living people were included in the ‘In Memoriam’ video.

  The party afterward is even more extravagant. Acrobats twist and twirl among the chandeliers, suspended from the ceiling by glowing silks. Ice replicas of the city’s fountains stand taller than me and flow with cocktails. I’m surprised the real ones don’t. Wouldn’t it be easier to keep everyone content and blind that way? Projections of shooting stars dance around the crowd—one circles my waist before flying off. My gaze follows it and lands on a familiar face over by a bar.

  “Jase, what are you doing here?”

  He turns to me, and his eyes brighten from the bored expression he was just wearing. “Hello there. You look lovely.”

  “Thank you. You look great and rather comfortable in a tuxedo. Wear them often?”

  “Not when I can avoid them. Can I get you a drink?”

  “No, thank you. I’m—” I look past him, and the air is sucked from my lungs. Parisa is hanging on Adwin’s shoulder, speaking with her lips far too close to his ear. I grab Jase’s hand and pull him around me so I can turn away from them.

  “What was that?” he says.

  “Do you see Adwin Lebeau and Parisa Otto?”

  “I hardly know who they are.”

  Do you live under a rock? “The girl who looks like a magenta bird and the guy in the slate gray tuxedo.” I turn to the bartender. “Gin martini, please.” She steps away to make it.