Falling & Uprising Read online

  “So you revert to hugs and hand-holding?” She starts to pull her hand away, but I squeeze it gently. “No, it’s okay. Just not used to it.”

  She squeezes my hand back, and we resume our walk. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers.

  “Me too.” For Emrys. For all of them. And for thinking Serenity Ward would be self-centered.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  BRAM

  Blue Springs has been the only island to resist Sophos’—or whoever’s—plans. Their mayor, Vaiana, wants an overhaul of the system as much as anyone else, but she won’t attack the marshals on her island, as she made perfectly clear at yesterday’s meeting.

  “My people have no desire to engage in a battle,” she said. “We aren’t warriors, for goodness sake.”

  “How do you propose to sit out of this?” Sophos asked.

  “When the uprising begins, security will no doubt crackdown, but if we don’t resist, then all we will have is a stronger marshal presence. Once you’ve taken control of the other islands, the selection will be a thing of the past anyway.”

  “If every island took that stance, nothing would change.”

  “But they aren’t.” She crossed her arms as she shut him down. “I’m sorry, but you can’t force us to attack anyone.”

  Five out of six isn’t terrible.

  Today is the last one. Today we go back to my home. Taking the train to Lawson is always unsettling. Being there but not being able to see it is agonizing. On Lawson, I can’t even leave the building. No marshal is allowed back to the island he came from. Not that any other marshal would know the difference, but we could be recognized. Knowing my family is nearby but out of reach kills me every time, and now this year, I know my mom has lost two of her three sons. I thought about writing her a note. Since we’ll be seeing the mayor this time, I figured I could send her something. But every attempt resulted in a crumpled piece of paper thrown on the floor. I couldn’t come up with anything worth saying.

  We arrive and traverse the maze to the office. Sophos enters ahead of me but stops short as I close the door, causing me to bump into him.

  “Kolina?” He chokes on the name.

  I twist my head around too fast, straining my neck. “Mom?”

  She pushes past Sophos to wrap me in a tight embrace. She is smaller than I remember. Or maybe it’s that I’m bigger than the last time I saw her.

  “Oh, Bram, let me look at you.” She gasps as she releases me. “You’re all grown!”

  “Mom, what are you… how…”

  “Where is Hadia?” Sophos asks.

  “Always right to business, Sophos.” She shoots him a sly smile.

  “You know each other?”

  My mom puts a hand on my shoulder and smiles at me to stay my questions before she continues with Sophos. “Bram, I’m sorry, but we don’t have a lot of time for a reunion. Hadia is taking a sick day, so I can take over for her. I got saddled with being the deputy mayor.” She shrugs and turns to Sophos. “We have weapons stored for distribution to the islands. When will you be ready?”

  “I expect to have that schedule for you soon.” Sophos has recovered from the surprise, which is more than I can say for myself.

  Serenity’s misgivings about Sophos make sense now. It’s not only information he’s compartmentalized; it’s our lives. How could he not tell me he knows my mom? How many times has he communicated with her and never allowed me to say anything? I might throw up.

  “Great. Is it still about eight people we’ll be housing when you arrive?” Mom asks.

  “Yes.”

  My heartbeat pounds in my ears. They keep talking, but everything is muffled like I’m underwater. “Who is staying here?” I back the conversation up when I regain enough sense to ask.

  “When the islands revolt, we will headquarter here to dissolve the Establishment and institute a new system,” Sophos says before turning back to my mom. “Do you have any concerns about the operation here?”

  “I’m confident. As long as the Establishment can’t bring in any backup, we can incapacitate them and hold the island.”

  “I wouldn’t doubt you for a minute.” His eyes are glassy in a way I’ve never seen before, making me uncomfortable.

  “How do you know each other?”

  Mom smiles at me. “That’s too long for this meeting, so I’ll have to defer to Sophos. Do you know about Emrys?”

  My head drops. “Yes, I saw him at the marshal barracks a few months ago.”

  “He’s still in the city, then. Good. The rest of us are fine, okay? You don’t need to worry about us.”

  “How long have you known about Kaycie?”

  She squeezes my hand and looks at Sophos. “Is it time?” he asks.

  “I suppose it is.” She drops my hand and rubs my arm. “Sophos will tell you all about it later, sweetheart. You focus on what you need to do, and the destination will be worth the journey.”

  I raise an eyebrow toward Sophos, who has been using that phrase a lot lately.

  “Mom, I…” Words fail me now as much as when I tried to write them.

  She hugs me again. “I know this is a shock. I’m sorry to have surprised you, but don’t beat yourself up over not knowing the right things to say. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  “Thank you,” she says to Sophos. She hands him a small piece of paper before she exits.

  He looks at it and smiles, but a tear runs down his cheek. He slides it into his jacket pocket and bids me goodbye as he goes to do his pre-selection rounds.

  I’ve never been better at staring unfocused into nothingness. The rest of the day blurs by. Sophos comes back, but I don’t speak to him. I can’t believe I botched seeing my mom for the first time in five years. It doesn’t feel real.

  Sophos does his thing, and I guess I walked back to the train because I’m sitting on it now, but I don’t remember that happening.

  Sophos breaks the silence and my trance. “Bram.”

  I glare at him. “Are you going to claim that information about my family is highly confidential and can only be shared on a need-to-know basis?”

  “No.”

  “Then why did you spend the last three years failing to mention that you know my mother?”

  “It wasn’t for me to tell you. She didn’t want me to talk to you about it yet.”

  First, the uprising’s mysterious leader, and now my mom is making him keep secrets too? “How many people do you keep secrets for, Sophos?”

  “Just the one,” he sighs.

  “No! My mom and your secret leader.”

  He presses his lips into a line.

  “My mom?”

  “Is the leader of the uprising.”

  What? My mother cannot be the leader of the uprising. She was just another factory worker on Lawson. She didn’t even know about the other islands. This is ridiculous. “How do you know her?” Where else can I start? My head is spinning.

  “As you know, I was the manager on Lawson before I came to the Department of Education and Placement. I oversaw production, and she was rising in the ranks on her end in the factories. She was smart and hardworking. She was trying to make her and her family’s lives better, even though there was no way to significantly improve it.

  “She inspired me to believe there should be a way to improve one’s lot in life. A person’s fate shouldn’t be decided by which patch of dirt they are born on. People like her, who are willing to work harder than anyone around them, deserve to benefit from their efforts.”

  “But how did she find out about the system?”

  “We became friends, and she trusted me enough to pose the questions, and I trusted her enough to give her the answers.”

  My heart thunders in my chest. “Why did you save me?”

  He purses his lips. “I admired her. I couldn’t let that happen to her son.”

  “Saving me was a dangerous thing to do. No one risks everything for a person whose work ethic they adm
ire.”

  Sophos leans his chin onto his fist, his blank stare pointed toward the window, looking at nothing.

  He doesn’t have to say it. It’s all over his face. It was on his face when he smiled at her in the office. They trusted each other with too much information, and why all the secrets? He loved her. I’m not in this because I’m vital to the plan. I’m here as a gift to my mom.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  SERENITY

  “It’s my birthday. You have to do what I want.” An inebriated Dixon takes my hand and ushers me to the dance floor of his favorite nightclub.

  Drunk or not, he is an excellent dancer—easy to follow and unreserved. We pair well together on the dance floor. Every step and turn hit the beat, and we are all laughs and smiles. After a quick spin, I snap my head over to meet his sighing gaze.

  “That would have looked much more dramatic with your long hair.”

  Laughter slips through my lips as I shake my hair out, letting it slap me in the face. “You’re going to have to get over it.”

  A month hasn’t been enough to soften the blow of my traitorous haircut. Dixon likes to remind me of his devastation. I offer my apology in the form of a drink. If nothing else, it’ll quiet his complaints. We leave the noisy bubble of the dance floor to find Krisalyn and Jase by the bar. Dixon orders a double mezcal on the rocks for himself and a gin martini for me.

  “No.” I stop the bartender. “I’ll have a glass of pinot gris, thank you.”

  “Don’t let me be the only one on this level,” Dixon says.

  “I’m drinking! Relax.”

  Krisalyn smirks and leans her elbow on the bar. “We were just discussing how a hypocrite can always come up with excuses for not following his own advice.”

  “Oh, like how Dixon has short hair but gets upset with me for cutting mine?”

  “My hair is not short for a man.” He runs his hand through his dark locks. “And your long hair was beautiful.”

  “Erroneous!” I smile and sip my wine.

  “This look is less typical-Kaycian,” Jase says. “It was a good choice.”

  “Thank you, Jase.” I shoot a cavalier look at Dixon, who rolls his eyes.

  I like to think we all could have come together anyway, but keeping the same secrets is a short-cut to close bonds. These friendships are nothing like the ones I had with my friends this time last year. This group is collectively more sarcastic, badgering, and spirited than I’ve experienced in any other acquaintance. Based on Bram’s description, this will be the closest I’ll get to siblings.

  Krisalyn explains it comically when Jase points out that being her closest friend earns him nothing but ridicule. “Only children are nice to people they like and mean to those they don’t. As adults, we see the need to be polite to people we dislike, but we can tease and provoke our friends.”

  “I should take your mockery as a compliment, then?” he asks.

  “Don’t pretend this is new. We spend too much time together both in and out of work. You need a girlfriend so I can have some time to miss you.” She flashes a devilish smile at him.

  As Jase swings back with something about hypocrisy, Vogue rejoins us. “The balcony,” she says. “It gave me an idea. Heights! They offer beautiful views, but many people are frightened by them. As they should be of us.”

  “Oh, God,” Dixon grumbles. “Vogue, let it go!”

  “There are plenty of choice words for the highest point of something.” She pulls up a holo from her cuff. “Spire. Crest. Vertex…”

  While Vogue’s ideas are rejected, I slip away from their bantering to use the ladies’ room. I fuss with my short brown waves in the mirror for a moment before I leave. I like my hair. He’s only teasing, but if Dixon can’t accept this kind of change, I don’t know how he will handle a new world order.

  On my way back, I spot Adwin… and my heart stops. I turn around, hoping he hasn’t seen me. Deep breaths don’t shake off my agitation as I take a roundabout way through the club to avoid him. I haven’t seen Adwin since I left him on the roof, nearly three months ago. I only told him not to call me, but I’m sure he won’t try to speak to me in person either.

  “Well, hello there.” Adwin appears at my side, proving me wrong. Not as if it’s the first time.

  “Hello, Adwin.” My stiff politeness proves Krisalyn’s theory.

  “How have you been?” He hugs me like an old friend, and the smell of bergamot and vanilla envelopes me, threatening to bring up the sweet memories we had. I begrudgingly hug him back, and his obliviousness to the reality of our situation strikes me. A twinge of guilt flutters through me, though he is far from innocent.

  “I’ve been well, thank you. How are you?”

  “I can’t complain. You look lovely with your hair short. What brought that about?”

  “Oh.” I glance away as I tuck my hair behind my ear. “Thank you. I was ready for a change.”

  “Change of hair and social circles? No one has seen you in months. Everyone misses you, you know?”

  My heart flutters, and words come out before I can stop them. “Do you?”

  “Of course.”

  I ball up my hands to keep from reaching out to him. Of course, he misses me. The others do too. Like moths miss a flame. Unfortunately, knowing that doesn’t make it easier to turn him away. A hand lands on my shoulder, and I look up to see Frey at my side.

  “Can I borrow you for a moment?” he says with his perfect smile.

  “Of course.” I smile at Adwin—who looks dumbfounded—and excuse myself.

  “It was good to see you,” he mutters with narrowed eyes.

  I nod as I leave, fully aware of what it looks like to walk away with Frey Dempsey’s arm around my shoulders. “Thank you,” I sigh as I rub a finger over my temple. He saved me from myself as much as he saved me from Adwin.

  “You wouldn’t get back together with him, right?”

  “No?” What kind of question is that?

  “Okay, good.”

  “Why do you care?”

  He squeezes my shoulder gently. “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going back to him.”

  “Because?”

  “Because you can do better.”

  “Like you?” Please don’t let his sights fall on me next.

  “Ha. No, you can’t do that much better.” Cockiness works for him. It’s amusing and endearing somehow.

  “I’m going to need you to expand on this.”

  He sighs and turns to lead me onto the balcony rather than back to our friends. “Fine.”

  The view does nothing for me as I sit by a fire table. I’m too curious about Frey’s motives.

  “I’ll cut to the chase,” he says as he sits down. “Adwin was cheating on you.”

  I clutch the hem of my dress as my eyes widen in surprise. “What?” A prickling sensation sweeps across the back of my neck. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve found out I was a blind fool this year.

  “Parisa Otto. I believe it started at her Christmas party.”

  “I was at that party with him!” I lean my forehead onto my hands as I mentally kick myself for ever thinking Adwin loved me. I might have understood if it was after I met Sophos and became distant, but even before that?

  Frey slides me a drink, and I blindly take a sip. Surprised by the briny taste, I pucker and push the glass away. “I don’t do dirty.”

  He presses his lips together, successfully suppressing laughter but poorly hiding his amusement.

  “Oh, grow up!”

  “Come on,” he says. “It’s funny that you accidentally answered the ‘why’ part of this.” My cheeks warm. “I know you aren’t into anything dirty, but that’s none of my business, so…” He draws his thumb and pointer finger across his lips to seal them.

  Of. Course. I wasn’t sleeping with Adwin, so he sought affection elsewhere. Oh, and Parisa’s audacity to continue acting like my friend! How fortunate that I got roped into the uprising and my rel
ationship fell apart. There’s an odd thought.

  “How long have you known this?” I ask.

  “Longer than I’ve known you. Parisa and I used to be… close.”

  I’m sure he’d be hard-pressed to find young women he hasn’t been close with. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

  “You had already broken up with him, so I figured it didn’t matter. You talking to him tonight made me nervous on your behalf.”

  I narrow my eyes at him. “You’re a good friend.” Since this is Frey, it’s more an accusation than a compliment.

  “Shh, don’t let people hear you saying that. I have a reputation to maintain.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  BRAM

  Looking out over the city, I feel Serenity’s eyes on my back. Sometimes I wish I was still invisible to her. It’s easier to hide in my own mind when no one notices. She doesn’t pry, but I see the sympathy in her eyes. I’m available, she seems to say without words.

  But I’m not.

  I can’t even sort through it in my head, so there’s no way I’m going to talk to Serenity about it. Mostly because she was right about not completely trusting Sophos. It’s pretty pathetic of me not to want to tell her that, but here I am. The deception is too personal. The lies are too close to home. I don’t know how I feel about any of it, and it’s my own mom. I don’t want to make Serenity more suspicious of Sophos by telling her my mom is the one pulling his strings. When did concealing information from her become a problem? I never thought it would bother me.

  Of course, there are still no updates. We’re just waiting for all of the pieces to be in place so we can distribute supplies across the islands. It makes for a short meeting. Before she leaves, Serenity comes over to say goodbye and lays an envelope on the side table near me. I say bye over my shoulder while her clicking steps move toward the door and out.

  I can’t be her friend. It was a mistake to ever talk to her about anything personal. With my back to Sophos’ desk, I sit and open the envelope. Inside is a leather band—navy blue streaked with dark purple. With it, a note in elegant handwriting: